Not dead

Oh my goodness... Sorry for not writing. Again. I feel bad :( sorrysorrysorry.

Blogging used to be one of my very favorite things to do, but lately I've been feeling like all the ideas just escaped from my head. I want to write, it's basically all I want to do, but there's nothing to write about!! I could tell you about the major writer's block that's been bothering me for too long, but writing about writer's block... meh.

My internet failed a couple of weeks ago, just stopped working. Both my laptop and iPad have the same carrier, which had some problems, but my phone has a different carrier and so I was able to run errands online (facebook) with my phone. Not having Netflix take all my time, I had to get creative. I got a lot of reading done (Stephen King's On Writing is uh-mazing!!) and worked on my novel. I'm not completely happy with what I came up with it and might just erase everything and start all over. But at least I'm writing something. There should be a way to transfer images from one's head to paper.

A while back I realized this summer is almost over (here in the arctic at least) and I have worked through most of it. I have vacation days that I'm saving for December, when I will be traveling to the States. Totally worth working for the summer, and despite my hectic work schedule I feel like I have improved my social life from what it used to be. At least my friends seem to know I exist nowadays ;)

So yeah.. That's what's up. There's always something. Sometimes I wish there was nothing.. Hope you're all having a good weekend :)

xxo

Invisibility

Having posted just a few hours ago, here I am again, because now I really feel like writing. Can't help it :) But now I want to talk about something more serious, something I've wanted to bring up for a while now, but felt like maybe it wasn't the time yet. I still don't know if it is, but I'm going to write this anyway. It's a long story, hope you'll have time to read it :)

Almost 18 months ago I started experiencing tinnitus in my left ear. A constant, never-ending whistle in my ear, all the time... Not fun. I talked to my mom about it, and she told me to wait for a while; maybe my shoulders were stiff, maybe my neck was stiff. So I waited, but the tinnitus never went away. Every once in a while it was more quiet, but then it picked up again. Adjusting to it was hard, falling asleep at first was hard. But after living with it for a couple of months, I became used to it just enough to not think much of it. 

Then the summer came, and I was busy working. My ear didn't really bother me. The tinnitus was always there, but so what? I figured it was something caused by my wearing headphones all the time while driving (my car doesn't have a radio). 

In the fall I went to the States for three months and decided I would go see a doctor after my trip. I didn't want anything to mess up my travels. I came back to Finland in December and after a week I had my first doctor's appointment.

Now let's back up a bit... Shortly after the tinnitus started in the first place, I had my first episode. Back then I didn't know it, though. I woke up one morning, feeling a little off, so I called in sick and it's good that I did, because the next thing I knew, I was throwing up so hard I thought my face was gonna fall off. I was dizzy, and every time I closed my eyes, everything started spinning rapidly and I would throw up again. I called my brother to see if he could drive me to the ER to get a doctor's note for work, but he was unable to pick me up. I knew I was in no condition to drive, but I did it anyway. The health center is less than a mile from where I live, but the drive was awful. When I walked to the ER from the parking lot, I couldn't walk straight, I probably looked like a drunk person. All in all, the episode lasted for about 4 hours, and then I passed out by my bathroom door because I was too tired to go to bed. I got some sleep, and woke up not feeling dizzy anymore, but just exhausted. Afterwards I just thought I had a really bad case of a stomach flu, and later on when I started googling things (lol) I figured I could have benign paroxysmal positional vertigo. That's what I diagnosed myself with.

There wasn't another episode until October, when I was in America. I woke up dizzy again, and on the car ride I told my friend I was going to throw up. We pulled over, but eventually I never threw up. I knew that the whole situation was somehow ear-related, and after stopping by at Wal Mart Pharmacy to pick up some congestion medicine, I started feeling better. 

So, back to my first doctor's appointment, which was last December. Before that I had my hearing checked at a private clinic where my mom worked at the time, and it showed some minor hearing loss in my left ear. The nurse said she wouldn't normally forward her patients with a result like mine, but since I had other symptoms, she told me I should see a specialist. 

The doctor checked my ears, did some standard tests, we talked, and eventually I remembered to bring up the dizziness. After hearing what I had to say, the doctor said it sounds a lot like Meniere's disease, but that I'm very young for that. He told me to wait until the end of January, and if I had an episode before that, I should contact him and he would prescribe me the medicine. 

Sure enough, on Christmas day, I had another episode, which wasn't nearly as bad as the very first one, but resulted to throwing up as well. I called the doctor and got the meds, and now I've been on them for almost six months. After that I've had one episode in January and another in March. It's been almost three months since the last one, which is a relief and a scare at the same time. I'm thinking "great, they're not coming so often anymore!" and "oh my god, I will probably have one any day now!". Learning not to stress about it has been a real challenge. I'm still not mastering my stress levels. But I am accepting my situation, which is helpful.

Meniere's disease is an inner ear thing, that causes tinnitus, hearing loss (I've lost even more of my hearing in my left ear) and vertigo. All of my symptoms match perfectly. But there's one other thing that has similar symptoms and has to be ruled out, and it's called acousticus neurinoma, a benign tumor that's inside the skull but outside the brain, pressing something in the ear (this is where my English fails me, sorry for the lame explanation!), causing tinnitus etc. So I'm in line for an MRI, which is to exclude the tumor. After that I'll know more. 

I don't hear low voices well. If I cover my right ear, which is my healthy ear, it's hard to hear. At first I slept with my left ear against the pillow, but recently I've embraced sleeping with my healthy ear against the pillow. I don't hear much, besides the tinnitus, but it's kinda nice to sleep without any disturbance. The hardest part is, that people don't see I'm sick. I don't have a hearing aid (I probably will at some point, but it's not the time for that yet), so no one can see that I'm somewhat hearing disabled. I prefer to walk on my friend's left side, so that they're on my right. If there's noise close to my right ear, and someone talks on my left side, it's hard to make out what they're saying. Their words get tangled. Also my left ear is much more sensitive to noises now. I don't like to hold my phone on it. 

Wow, it's like a short story that I wrote for you! If there are others out there with Meniere's (or a suspected Meniere's like I do), let me know! Hope this wasn't a bore to read. 

Take care! :)

-iira

A little repair and renovation

Hello, my lovely readers :)

Sorry for being MIA for so long. I won't make any excuses, but I do want to let you know that I have been extremely busy lately. Work, work, work (and yet, I'm always broke -something doesn't add up, right?!)

I've had a lot on my plate, and I realized that for my own good, I would have to get rid of some things. Some time ago I was presented an exciting job opportunity, and had I gotten the job, I would have left Finland in the fall. The ultimate dream of mine (besides making it as a writer): working abroad. BUT, I decided not to apply this year. It was just too fast; I didn't want to figure out my entire life in just a few months. So I'm giving myself a year and have another look at the job next year :) I feel very good about my decision and a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I've also been dealing with some ear-related health issues for a while now, and until I have that all figured out, I don't want any other major twists in my life. 

Writing was also one of the reasons I decided to stay. My job abroad would have been very hectic and I knew I wouldn't get any writing done in a long time. Right now I'm feeling like I've made some real progress with my novel, and I'm not ready to give all that up just yet :)

So after deciding to stay put for another year, I took a hard look on my apartment. When I first moved to live on my own four years ago, I had almost everything ready. The only major purchase back then was a dining table + chairs. I got everything else from mom, dad and other people. Had to do some little basic shopping, but the point is, I never really got to decorate. I had some vision of the colors I wanted, and mostly I got what I wanted, so I was happy. But now I was ready for a change. So I went to IKEA and shopped. 

I'm sorry I don't have the 'before' shot. But the colors in my apartment changed from brown-pink to white-blue-red. It's so much more brighter and fresher now. I got the expedict-shelf from IKEA, also the turquoise baskets in it, and the picture frames used to be pink. I used to have a dark brown carpet and I am in love with the new white one! I have no idea how long it will stay white, but it's certainly inspiring me to be more neat ;)

My couch is also dark brown, and since couches are expensive, I just bought a blue cover for it and some pillows to add more color :) The cover doesn't reach over the entire couch, since it's pretty big, but it does the job! 

Redecorating a studio apartment is not that expensive in the end :) I'm very happy with the result and just love spending time home! It's so worth to making your place feel like home. Also makes for a better learning/studying/writing environment! 

I am enjoying summer to the fullest, even though the heat makes my apartment feel like a sauna. I'm a Finn, and don't like sauna, weird? 

Hope you all had a great weekend! :)

-iira

TGIF

Sometimes, no matter how much I love to write, I make up excuses to postpone it. Especially when it comes to my novel. I have this idea stuck in the back of my head, that I will ruin the images in my head by putting them into words on paper. This is something that I'm slowly learning to ignore, and have more and more courage to write every day. 

And today Amazon shipped me two more reasons to postpone the writing just a little bit more.

But this time I want to postpone, because I want to be better, not because I'm afraid. 

Can't wait to read these! :)

From thoughts into words

It's a long, rocky road to get a story finished on paper. For me, at least. Here's how the process goes for me:

1. A rough idea comes to mind

2. Figuring out if the idea's any good --> developing it further

3. Storylines, twists, etc.

4. Naming all the characters

5. Characters relationships and backgrounds

6. Random scenes go through my mind like movies

7. Writing some scenes, in no particular order

I'm bad at taking notes. Basically, all of the above is in my head in the end, and when the mental exhaustion is getting too overwhelming, it's time to start the actual writing process. By the way, I'm using the term "mental exhaustion" very loosely. I find all of this too much fun to think of it as something exhausting. Sometimes it does get to me, though. I get very attached to the story and the characters, and when things don't go as I want, it can be frustrating. Even though it's a world and people I've created, what happens to them is sometimes out of my hands. 

I'm sure other writers have their own ways to transfer thoughts into short stories and novels, but this is mine. I would be very interested in hearing your thoughts :) The nerdy side of me is dying for some new information!

lovelovelove,

iira

Liebster Award

I got a Liebster Award from Anna! Thank you so much :) 

You can access Anna's blog HERE. Note: it's in Finnish :)

Liebster Award Rules:

1. Thank the person who gave it to you.

2. Answer the 11 questions presented to you.

3. Come up with 11 questions of your own.

4. Give the award to 11 blogs with fewer than 200 readers.

Anna and I both share a passion for literature, and as you can see, it is a theme for this post! 

ANNA'S QUESTIONS:

1. Have you ever ruined a book for yourself by reading a too revealing or otherwise bad back cover text?

- I'm always trying not to let a cover fool me, but yes, especially when I was younger, I wouldn't read a book that didn't seem appealing on the cover. I don't remember any bad back cover texts/descriptions, though. 

2. Has a book character ever inspired you in some way, helped you, or made you see something differently in your own life?

- I think it happens with every book I read. Not with every character, but there's always at least one, who makes me feel differently about something. Maybe the most recent character would be Skeeter, from Kathryn Stockett's The Help. Skeeter is a writer and her passion for writing is what got to me, as well as her will to get justice. 

3. Have you ever seen a TV-show, a movie or an animation, that's better than the original book it's based on?

- OK, don't judge me, but I think Gossip Girl is like that. I saw the show first and after that started reading the books. Turned out, I was not a fan of the books, not one bit. I have many sides. And one of them is being a little vain at times and watching Gossip Girl :)

4. What do you think of those pale bloodsucker vampires, the creatures so consumed by literature and popular culture?

- So I've read all the Twilight -books and seen the movies, I've watched some Vampire Diaries and even watched True Blood before it got beyond weird. But still, I'm not a big fan of the whole vampire concept. Probably because they're everywhere. Such mass production, and it's not appealing to me. But then again, what do you think of this: "Try to write something you have never seen before -even if it is about vampires - make it really unexpected." I'm so bummed I don't remember where I read that and by whom it was said, but it's so true!! 

5. Is there a particular moment in your past that marks the moment you got hooked to reading for the rest of your life?

- I don't remember... I've just always enjoyed reading. I learned to read before I went to school, and ever since I've inhaled every book laid before me. 

6. How much do you think about the role of the translator when reading translative literature?

- I haven't really acquainted myself with that.. But whenever I still read books in Finnish, which is rarely, I do think of the translator, and in my mind I am translating everything to English. Funny how the mind works :)

7. Do you have any rituals with your reading? A particular spot or the same snacks every time?

- Usually I do get some candy if I'm planning on spending a lot of time reading :P My usual spot would be the bed. I don't usually sit and read, I find it uncomfortable and un-natural. And I don't get people who can read at the beach! I've tried so many times, but I just can't do it! Everything's distracting me; the sun, the people, the noise, the water... 

8. What genre do you prefer or will anything do?

- I enjoy YA books but also books for a little older people.. that sounded weird. I love fantasy, but not sci-fi that much. I also enjoy reading horror (Stephen King) at times, because I'm fascinated by how the author creates a terrifying atmosphere. I'm always on the lookout for strategies. Detective books are good, too. I've never really been a fan of autobiographies. Fiction is my thing when it comes to reading and writing. 

9. Who is your favorite fantasy character?

- Harry Potter. This is such a cliche, I know, but Harry Potter was my childhood. He is the ultimate fantasy character. 

10. Roughly, how much time do you spend reading each week? Is it too much / too little / perfect amount?

- Wayyyy too little time :( Recently I haven't had that much time to read, but I do read every single day. Whether just a few pages of a whole chapter, I read. I guess, right now, I probably spend about 2-3 hours a week reading, and I want to spend that amount every day.. 

11. Name a book that has really surprised you. Something that you thought was pure garbage but turned out to be amazing, or the other way around.

- Well, I got really excited about The Mortal Instruments -series, and started reading City of Bones. Blah. Seriously, I don't get what the fuss is about. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. What is the one book you can read over and over again without getting bored?

2. What was the first book you ever read?

3. Why do you think it's so hard to make movies as good as the books they're based on?

4. Do you think it's a good or a bad thing, how electronic book readers are slowly taking over and the art of the written word is getting lost? Why? Do you own an e-book?

5. Do you ever read ahead when you start a new book? As in reading the last sentence etc.?

6. If Stephen King and Nicholas Sparks joined their forces in writing, what do you think would happen?

7. Do you enjoy reading magazines? What kinds?

8. Is there a form of literature that you just cannot stand?

9. Do you buy books, or just borrow them from a friend, or just go to a library?

10. What do you appreciate in a  good book?

11. What is your favorite word? Why?

I would like to present this award and everything that comes with it, to Elamilia. Her blog can be found here: http://mystateofmindsallpurple.blogspot.fi/

My social circles aren't big enough to give 11 awards. But you all deserve it :)

Write Great Fiction

A couple of days ago I allowed myself a little treat. I ordered books on Amazon. Yeah.. Books do it for me ;) 

As someone who wants to be a serious writer one day, the books I ordered are important and I've heard a great deal of positive things about them. 

It'll take at least a month for me to get my hands on these babies, but I'm so excited to have some summer reading to do! :) The Write Great Fiction -series has other books, too, and they are: Dialogue, Revision and Self-editing (I SO NEED THIS!!) and Description & Setting. I'm going to wait to get the first two I ordered, and then see how I feel about them. But right now I think I will just order the rest of the series as well. 

The past few days I've kept a little break from working on my novel. I'm basically done with the plot and all that, and feel ready to write, and I have started writing. But with these books, I feel like I could be better (and I haven't even read them, yet!). I'd rather take things slow and get a better result than hurry and be sloppy. 

Have a nice week! :)

-iira

P.S. I have three days off! Stoked!